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How to Avoid Christmas Hazards

Went Christmas shopping today for presses for my 7-year old daughter, Sarah, and I must tell you I felt right out of place in the department store, stuck amongst shelves of Barbie dolls and other girlie stuff. However, I battled on ignoring the looks of worried mothers as they rapidly gathered in their young children as I passed by—obviously a pervert out shopping with the 8 and 9-year old girls!

Within an hour, I had an armful of presents and thankfully left the toy section with two large bags stuffed with goodies. On my way to the exit I passed a section where nimble-fingered young girls were wrapping presents for customers, and I thought, “I’ll have some of that,” and ventured closer. It only took them a minute or less to wrap a present, bind it with coloured ribbon and attach a pretty bow; then I saw the price—$7 a present.

Miser Brian, busy counting his pennies decided to wrap the presents himself—I mean, how hard can it be? So I bought some Christmas paper for $4, ribbon for $2, and a couple of bows and realised I had already spent more than the girls charged for the complete job.

Nonplussed, I set off for home laden with presents and all the accoutrements required to wrap them. At home, I laid them all out on the sofa and coffee table and then started to wrap the first present. Paper is awkward stuff, and will show an inclination to remain rolled and ignore my pleas for it to flatten out and wrap itself around the box.

Finally, I pulled two edges together and reached for the sticky tape. No tape, so a quick journey to 7/11 and more dollars spent before I returned to stick the tape across the two ends of paper. Have you ever tried to undo a roll of that sticky tape?

The first length is a piece of cake, because it has a little coloured tab on it, but when you go to take off the second piece you find it has nimbly wrapped itself tight onto the roll and you have to spend 10 minutes finding the end and another 10 minutes trying to undo it. Once freed, I recalled the young girls in the store pulling off lengths and sticking them over the edge of their counter ready for use when wrapping.

I did the same and stuck a row of them on my glass coffee table and only cut two fingers on the serrated edge of that tortuous implement that comes with the sticky tape. I pulled the wrapping paper together once more and reached for a piece of sticky tape at the edge of my coffee table. Unfortunately, with my foggy vision (thanks to the cataracts) and the tape being the same colour as the table, it was not easy and 3 pieces are now permanently glued to my coffee table.

Finally I stuck the two edges together and sat back to admire my progress. They immediately sprung apart, so I dived in and layered the tape along the edge and securely fastened the edges together. Next job was the two ends, and after watching the girls earlier I knew exactly what to do. Or at least, I thought I did, because for some reason it didn’t look the same.

Where the girls had neat, squared-off corners that could easily win a prize, I had thick, lumpy ones held together with a criss-cross of sticky tape. Actually, the girls cheated, because they cunningly used double-sided tape that you couldn’t see on the finished parcel, and I’m sure that is against the rules!

Finally, after almost 45-minutes of painful, bloody struggle, the first parcel was wrapped and I happily set off to fill the kettle to make a congratulatory cup of tea. On my way I heard a rustling, and quickly turned around in case Sarah had returned home from school early.

It was my first parcel unwrapping itself. Another 15 minutes went by as I re-bound the bloodied thing with tape right around the sides and both ends—it won’t unwrap again; not this side of Christmas.

Only 9 more parcels to go!

If you’re shopping for a friend, let the store-girls wrap the parcel for you!

© Copyright 2008. Brian Hunt. All Rights Reserved.

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